Fertility struggles can feel like a big jigsaw puzzle. You start off thinking ‘won’t this will be fun!’
The picture on the box looks great, so you tip all the pieces out and start putting it together.
But then it starts to get hard. You sort your way through the pile of remaining pieces trying to find the piece you want next….
Occasionally another piece goes in, and you think ah-ha – we are getting somewhere! And then it stalls again.
You have times where you are so sure you have the right piece, only to find its just the tiniest bit off…
If you are like me there are times where you are doing ok with the challenge. Sure, you’d like it to be a bit easier but you are motivated, focused, and making (albeit slow) progress.
Other times it all feels too hard. Should you just give up? Why did I start doing this in the first place? Is this going to be one of those puzzles where I get to the end and find a piece really is missing ??
Should I just put the pieces back in the box and tuck it away on the shelf?
Or leave it out, unfinished for a while, hoping for some renewed energy to tackle it again??
The infertility puzzle for me is made up of many things:
- Diagnoses – each little explanation as to something else that is NQR is a new ‘piece’ locked in place…
- Time - time trying, timing conception, time for appointments, injections, time waiting – fitting these time ‘pieces’ in around your “normal” life
- Emotions – love, hope, joy, disappointment, frustration, sadness – large, often awkwardly shaped ‘pieces’ to find place for
Each of these things individually in life can be difficult to piece together so that everything fits and is picture perfect. Do we ever really achieve that in any area of life?
So no wonder it can feel like an overwhelming pile of pieces to sift through when you have all those elements to put together!
My keys to solving the infertility puzzle
Remember the WHY
I get so caught up in the WHAT and the HOW of all this that sometimes I feel disillusioned, exhausted, and well, over it.
We put ourselves through so much physically and emotionally - it becomes really important to remember WHY we are doing it in the first place. The WHY is what makes the rest of it worthwhile.
When this happens I go to spend time with my friends babies, or I meditate to reconnect with what my heart really wants – the purpose behind it all.
Break It Down
I often find myself looking at the picture on the box, the outcome. I then look at the big pile of pieces to get there and it seems enormous.
It makes me wonder why is my puzzle so much harder than others? Or is it not harder, just my inability to put it together?
I can be like a bull at the gate – just want get there now. This makes the pile overwhelming – so much so it ironically often makes me freeze or procrastinate.
The trick for me is to break that big outcome down into goals. Find the corner pieces. Fill in the boarder. Build in the obvious landmarks. Then it’s a smaller pile to fill in the murkier bits. Each is a step forward, I can see my progress.
Willingness to Try Things
Instead of viewing the pile as trying to find a non-existent needle in a haystack I try to look at it as a pile of possibility. I pick through it and try things that might work!
Its ok if they don’t, I’ll just try the next bit.
What are your tips for helping to solving the infertility puzzle?