I'm not a fan of big waves. Don't get me wrong I love the beach. The fresh air, sand under your toes, salt water on your skin.... but I'm more of a bay beach girl. Big waves scare me - this combination of awe and utter terror. Waves have a magnetic pull so strong that it takes your feet out from underneath you. They can lift you so high. They can also crash you back down, engulf you so you are struggling to find the surface again.
These aspects of the ocean remind me a lot of my fertility journey to date.
It started off as a fun day at the beach bobbing in the waves. Then the tide changed.
You may have had that experience of getting rolled by a series of waves in real life - I certainly have. That total panic as you get swished around under water, making it up for a gasp of air just as the next wave hits you.
When it happened to me I finally dragged myself to the beach and lay waterlogged on the sand wondering what the heck had just happened to me! How had I survived it!?!
The experience shook me so much I chose to never go in the waves again. Is this choice costing me some fun? Yes probably! For me, the amount of enjoyment I would get out of being out in those waves vs the possibility of being rolled again doesn't balance out!
In other words the WHY I would want to do it isn't big enough.
When it comes to TTC though I have pushed through that fear. I've had moments - one very recently when my new treatment options were presented to me - where I've almost let the fear of trying again keep me on the shore. Instead I walked back into the waves again.
The reward of even the possibility of a baby is worth it. In other words my WHY is bigger than my HOW.
Why is staying clear on your WHY so important??
Your WHY is your surfboard
It keeps you afloat! It gives you the possibility of getting on top of the wave and riding smoothly into shore.
When the WHY is there, the HOW becomes possible.
When the HOW becomes bigger than the WHY you run into trouble. The 'doing' of TTC is so intense and consuming you can sometimes forget your WHY. Going through hell for a clear reason is one thing....doing it without that in sight leads to misery!
When you have a strong WHY the crappy things are easier to handle.
Don't get me wrong some of them will still be pretty crappy..... but they become more bearable as you are able to view them another check in the box towards your WHY.
It stops you from getting caught up in other people's HOW's.
WHY is this important to YOU? What do YOU need to do, accept, be or have to meet your WHY?
It can be so easy to compare, be jealous, be judgemental, be judged. If you get caught up in what everyone else is doing and thinking you'll get overwhelmed. Really the only focus you need to have is what is right for you, why this is important for you.
The WHY can be your purpose in place of your pity party!
Avoid the - Why Me? Why is this happening to us?
Go for the - Why do we want this? What does it mean to us? What are our options to get there?
Things are much more enjoyable when you switch your mindset from being a victim to feeling empowered with choice and purpose!
What is your WHY? How do you keep it insight while facing your Fertility Struggles?